You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
