You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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