Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
two words: eviction party
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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