The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
