Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
