I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
