you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
