Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
