i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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