loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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