corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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