your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's blow job season.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
