the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
whose parrot is this?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
