Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
