You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
