tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
