This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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