i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
