Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The best revenge is premature balding
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I need a beard to bite.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
