Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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