I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Semen is not good for contacts.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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