the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
