Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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