and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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