Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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