Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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