her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
