I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize