She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
