You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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