bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
