hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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