woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
