Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
