you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
