Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
