white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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