I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Congratulations! We have a period
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
