And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
