Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
This show inspires me to have sex in space
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
