i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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