I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
