he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
handjob tips. give me some.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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