so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
