I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
