It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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