quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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