The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
