The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
