omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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