coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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