shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
