he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Best friends brother. Beat that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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