can u get pink eye on your cock?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
