I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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