she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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