that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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