i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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