Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
