So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
