You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
