My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
