So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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