Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
