totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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