Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
