Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
