Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
